Today's Christian Women Talks to Kate Gosselin

TCW Talks to Kate Gosselin
The mom of twins and sextuplets and star of the TLC hit reality show Jon & Kate Plus Eight talks candidly about nagging her husband, trusting her God, and living her crazy life in front of the camera.
Camerin Courtney | posted 1/07/2009


All Kate Gosselin wanted was one more baby.

She and her husband, Jon, had three-year-old twins, Cara and Madelyn (called "Mady"), who had arrived, with the help of fertility treatments, in 2000. Due to Kate's polycystic ovary syndrome, she had to undergo fertility treatments for her second pregnancy as well. The stunning result was not one baby, but six. When Kate's obstetrician suggested selective reduction, both Kate and Jon immediately rejected the idea. "Who would live and who would die was not a decision that rested in our hands," Kate explains.

After months of grueling medical treatments and bedrest (and 65 pounds of baby weight!), Kate gave birth to Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah, and Joel in 2004. An army of friends and strangers invaded their suburban Pennsylvania home to help with feeding, bathing, changing, and monitoring the bustling brood. Their presence was both life-saving and stress-inducing for uber-organized, type-A Kate.

Intrigued by news reports on the Gosselins' unusual family, producers at Discovery Health filmed Surviving Sextuplets and Twins, which aired in May 2006, as well as Surviving Sextuplets and Twins: One Year Later. These shows eventually birthed Jon & Kate Plus Eight, currently TLC's highest-rated show. Now in its fourth season, the show takes its millions of fans inside the Gosselins' home, where there are strict rules, abundant laughter, frequent nagging, and constant praise for God's provision.

This past November, Kate, 33, and Jon, 31, released Multiple Blessings (Zondervan), a book chronicling their amazing pregnancy and difficult first year as parents of eight (the twins are now eight and the sextuplets, four). Click here to read a chapter from this book, sharing six lessons Kate has learned from being a mom of sextuplets. And read on for our conversation with this exhausted, faith-filled, and refreshingly real woman.

What motivated you to invite the public to watch your life on the TLC show?

I just want people to see realness. From the beginning, I had no desire to paint a sweet little picture of our lives. We did many news interviews after the sextuplets were born, and they always turned out so cute and cuddly. Yes, the babies were cute and cuddly, but those news stories never showed real life. Because in reality, Jon and I argued. We didn't get any sleep. We were so exhausted, we were shaking. We didn't know which end was up.

So when we started the show, I wanted to reveal the truth. We have nothing to hide. We're not perfect; we're the first to admit that. But no family is perfect. And I think that's why people relate to the show.

And yet some people have been critical of the show.

Yeah. I definitely know there's a lot of ugliness out there about us. Honestly, I think a lot of it's because people squirm at how real we are. I think it bothers some people because it makes them think, If cameras were at my house, what would they capture? Would I be okay with that being aired?

Sometimes I wonder why it doesn't bother me that the cameras capture everything we say and do.

Why doesn't it?

I think part of it is that I realize life is a struggle no matter how many kids you have. And that our responsibility is only to God and our family.

Do you feel the show captures you guys accurately?

I do. We actually forget the cameras are there a lot of the time. We don't do anything differently when they're on. Of course, sometimes they'll edit things a certain way for the sake of drama. Over three days I could have three different issues with Jon, and in 23 minutes they're going to show all three of those. So it looks like I melted down several times in a short period of time.

It must be difficult to be cast in a negative light.

A bit. But I understand why they're doing that. And I like that the show captures us in all our messiness.

Overall, I do feel like the show captures our personalities well. It shows how Jon is the peacemaker, the helper, the follower. And it shows how I'm the organized thinker who gets out-of-control in charge at times.

I'll bet those characteristics create some interesting dynamics in your marriage.

Yes! I know it looks like I'm ordering Jon around, but he literally asks me to. He's very happy to follow my lead in the day-to-day decisions of our household. He'd never want to be in charge, even if I said, "That's it. I'm done." And I have said that before.

So I'm a type-A personality who likes to lead. And we really need that in a family of our size. Sure, I control to the point where I wish I could lay off—and everybody else wishes I could too. But that's part of my personality; I feel like there's a plan and we need to follow it.

With these differing personalities and your crazy schedule, how do you and Jon stay connected?

When the babies were born, I was well aware that our marriage could crumble. It was close to doing so at times. But we survived that first year. And then the second one. And then each year after that. Even though the issues have changed, it's never gotten easier.

But Jon and I are more determined than ever that we're in this together. We've told our kids many times that we're always going to be a family. There are no other options. Sure, Jon and I take our stress out on each other, and no, that's not always good or healthy. But we work hard as a team every day.

The life we're leading is so not what we envisioned back when we got married or even after we had the babies. Friends, family, neighbors—nobody understands our strange life. Jon's the only one who gets it. He's in my corner. And that's so wonderful.

Do you get any time just for you in the midst of children and cameras and everything?

I used to think taking a shower by myself was enough, or enjoying a quiet house once the kids went to bed at night. But I finally realized it's like I'm at work all the time.

I don't go to the office and come home; the "office" is always there.

Over the years, if anybody sent me money just for me, I saved it. But a couple months ago, I told Jon I'm using that money to go to the spa once a month. He was all for it. I get a massage and a pedicure. Of course, I still feel guilty leaving him and the kids, but I look forward to that time like you wouldn't believe.

Jon followed suit with regular golf outings. We've realized how important that time away is.

What difference have you noticed since you guys started doing that?

When I come home I've really missed the kids, and I'm ready to jump back in again to all the noise and commotion. Though I admit it takes me about a half hour to get used to the pace again. The time away just makes me a better mom, period. I think I missed that in the early years.

How do you and Jon invest in your family's spiritual life?

Our family attends church together. That's important to us. But I struggle with family devotions. Obviously we have two different age groups in our family—and a lot of noise. So I can't say devotions are happening on a daily basis.

But we do talk a lot about God's blessings and provision. That's a constant conversation in our house, one that started a long time ago when we didn't have enough of something and God provided it. I've always made a point to say, "Oh my goodness, look what Jesus gave us."

So you're instilling gratitude in your kids.

Right. And when we pray before dinner every night, it's not just "Thank you, Jesus, for our food. Amen." It's always Jon and me pouring out the issues of the day—whatever happened that day, whatever we need to trust God for. A lot of times that leads to meaningful family discussions.

Cara and Mady got Bibles recently. They each picked out their own. It's amazing to watch them discover verses for themselves. Mady will read something and say, "Oh, that's a good verse." I'll ask, "What does that mean?" She'll explain it, and I'll be so moved that she totally gets it. I feel like I'm rediscovering Scripture through them.

How difficult is it to have that personal spiritual time with your kids while you've got cameras around?

Truthfully, I wish they'd cover more of our faith. But it's their decision to edit the episodes as they see fit. They've followed us to church.

As far as our personal time, I have a daily e-mail devo that I receive. I do that on my own. I feel poured out and spent so often that I need the encouragement and wisdom Scripture offers.

As a self-described type-A personality, how difficult is it to trust God?

I feel like it took me having sextuplets to realize I'm not in control. Honestly, if I'd never had the kids, I'm sure I never would have learned to rely on God. The pressure of twins and sextuplets is beyond any human capability. I'm to the point now where I'm so much happier to be dependent on God's capable care. I'd never go back to the "easy life" with two kids.

And I'm trying to trust God to have the right response to Jon. I'm still hard on him at times, but I think I'm softening.

That's difficult for any married couple, even without the pressure of twins and sextuplets.

It is. And those lessons aren't learned overnight. It's not like we learn to be more patient once and then we're set. It's a lifelong learning process. It's just all about letting God be in control and trusting his plan for our lives. Besides, what we think is great isn't always his plan. And at this point in my life, I don't want to do anything that's outside his plan, even if that means giving up something I really want or love. Because if it's not his plan, I know he has something better.

That must not be easy for you to say since some of his plan for you has been difficult.

Definitely. It's not like everything has always been rosy. I mean, we really struggled through the pregnancy and that first year with the sextuplets. But now I can honestly say I'm thankful for those seasons of struggle because I'll never take anything for granted.

Kate answers your questions:
You sent us your queries about Kate's crazy life—and she answered:

How important is getting your family to church every Sunday?

And how successful are you in achieving that goal?

Jon and I speak at other churches a lot of Sundays. But whenever we're home, our family is in church together. It's a big priority.

What's your favorite verse?

Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." I have that one posted on our bathroom mirror.

On the show you seem pretty bossy. Do you really get along with your husband?

Yes! I can honestly say Jon is my best friend. He's the only one who, besides God, has been there with me and shared this crazy ride. That's so valuable because the life we live is so unusual.

How much sleep do you get a night, and is it enough?

I get around seven hours of sleep. Jon gets up early and handles the first phase of our morning routine with Cara and Mady. I straggle behind, usually by 7:00 or 7:15.

Do you and Jon get any alone time as a couple?

After the kids are in bed at night, which happens between 8:00 and 8:30. Jon and I are both night owls; we're up until midnight most nights. Actually, I used to go to bed early, but Jon converted me to a night owl a few years ago.

Will the show continue after the sextuplets go to school this fall?

I don't know. You'd have to ask God. We don't ever know where we're going to be and what we're going to be doing. I don't have a grand plan anymore. I'm okay to be wherever God wants us.